Opening the Gates: Christmas 2015

I've got to warn you, this post may just rewrite history. The strange title is there for a reason. In my movie, Frozen, "opening the gates" was a big deal because ever since the original royals died, the gates had been closed for three years, not allowing trade or poor princess Anna to see what was beyond Arendelle. When they are finally opened, there's a chance to experience new emotions. There's a chance to find true love. There's a chance to bring forth old memories and create new ones. But they don't have to be memories. They can be people as well. And... I think that will be enough introduction to get this post going.

***

I was aware that Christmas was looming over us like a snowcloud over the kingdom of Arendelle, but with She doing her finals testing and the family packing for their annual trip up north, I wasn't really in the mood to prepare for the holidays when December rolled around. And I had the right to be so. Snow came down the first week, but it rained later on to cover it in sleek, slippery ice, which didn't make much fun to play in. None of the trees had been set up or decorated yet, and the house never once smelled like baking cookies. Not even the musical stylings of Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra could shake me into the festive spirit. So to avoid the holiday blues, I'd mostly keep to myself, finding a comfy chair in She's room to devour book after borrowed book. And that helped me to escape from everyday life, so that's why I was surprised when I heard a little voice interrupt my living dream and say,
"Come on, Elsa, let's set up the tree!"
"I dunno, Nessa..." I lowered She's Hans Christian Anderson storybook collection into my lap as I looked down over the chair at Nessa, who already had the pink box in tow. As much as I wanted to keep our tradition of the tiny doll Christmas tree alive, I was doubtful that we should. I trusted She in that our tree would be put up like last year, and messing with the humans' things had always lead me to trouble in the past. I had a lot on my mind, and I didn't feel like trouble today.

Nessa pouted. "You're the only one tall enough to help."
"Napoleon is tall, too."
"But I don't want to decorate the tree with Napoleon. I want to decorate with you."
I playfully crossed my arms and turned away. Nessa almost had me on her side, and she knew it.
"It could be our Christmas present for She." she taunted.
I sighed. "Go get the others."
Nessa squealed and ran from the bedroom, and I was left alone to shake my head with amusement and drag the pink box, tiny tree inside, to a place where I thought the tree would work best.
When the entire group of dolls returned, we left the door open for each of us to come and go as we pleased. There was no fear that the humans would be back at the house until about dusk, and the dogs never once bothered us before. Among these dolls were Loki, Magneto, and Olaf.
I dusted off my hands by rubbing them together, trying not to let my heart sink. "Small group this time, huh?"
"Everyone else was content downstairs with the bigger tree," Loki explained, looking down at the box. "Away from the... forbidden project."
"Blame Nessa," I said, waving my hand in the air and using the other to lift the lid. "She wanted to do it for our human's Christmas present."
"Of course," Magneto rolled his eyes. "But I actually don't mind this tradition. Let's get to it."

Loki seemed pretty happy that we were doing something for She, so the two of them jumped right in and helped Nessa and I get the tree into the base, wrap the tree skirt around, and fold the branches outwards. Then came the ornaments. I remembered from last year how they were all kept in a certain box with a picture of a cheetah on the front, and sure enough, there they were. Getting the ornaments on was easy with four more hands than if Nessa and I had just done it alone. We were pretty proud of our final result, but one thing was missing. The Christmas star.
"Should we go get Olaf? He mentioned something about wanting to put the tree topper on this year." said Loki.
"Yes, but, we're not done yet," said Nessa, with some exaggeration on the word "yet". "We're still missing one more ornament."
"Nessa, that's a human-sized star. It goes on the bigger tree." Magneto yawned.
"It's not a star, it's a snowflake!" Nessa insisted, laying the ornament next to her feet. My glass snowflake from last year's tree trimming was nearly as big as she was. "And it's going on our tree this year."
Without any requests from help to any of us, Nessa got up to her tip-toes and reached as far as her arms could to her envisioned perfect spot on the tree to host a snowflake-star. "Almost... got it..." she grunted, reaching higher and eventually forcing the ornament into the boughs of the tree. "See, I told you it looked perf-"
But Nessa didn't finish her sentence, as there was a loud squeaking noise from the plastic base as the tree began to sway. The base gave way and it leaned over, then fell on top of Nessa. None of us were fast enough to stop it, though I could have sworn I had seen a flash of blue dart into the scene at the last second, unless that was just because I was in a moment of panic.

"Nessa!" we cried out, and rushed towards the fallen tree. Loki was the first to lift it high enough off of her so we could assess the damage.
"Are you hurt, Nessa?" I asked, gawking over the Christmas tree to get a good view of my little friend.
Though her pigtails were lopsided and her mouth was frozen open in the dazed absence of a scream, Nessa blinked rapidly to bring herself back to reality. "I'm... alright. I'm alright? I'm alright!"
Loki reached underneath the tree and pulled Nessa out as she hurried to correct her appearance.
"What happened?" I continued.
"Something broke my fall. Something stopped the tree from hitting me completely."
Hm. Could it have been the flash of blue I thought I had seen? Were my assumptions not so far-fetched after all?
"Or someone," said Loki pointedly, with an exaggeration on the word "someone". "Guys, I think the someone that stopped Nessa from being crushed is under the tree right now."
I heaved the rest of the tree upwards in a sudden rush of strength, turning it upright again.

"Oh my..." I heard Nessa say, the last word got trapped in her throat as we lifted the tree and the blue flash from earlier, an Elsa ornament, the same size and kind as Nessa's, crawled out from underneath. Loki did not hesitate the help the new girl up.
"I'm so, so, sorry that tree fell on you. I was just trying to... I didn't mean..." Nessa stammered, twisting the ends of her cape around in her hands.
"That's okay. I'm durable." Came the Elsa ornament's first words as she straightened herself up. She had a wild long braid a little blonder than mine and skin that was a little pinker as well. She wore a glittery blue dress and sleeves, and a cape any Elsa would envy, with snowflake patterns similar to the movie's stenciled on the back. She had the kind of eyes that would stare right at you and get to the point, but not really in a judgmental way and in more of a pro-eye-contact way.
"Well, what's your name, O Durable One?" Nessa wanted to know.
"Elphaba," the ornament replied, spitting out a few thin plastic fir needles. "My name is Elphaba Thropp."
Nessa's hands flew to her mouth, her eyes wide. "Were you named after a Wicked character, too?"
One of Elphaba's fair-haired eyebrows raise. "Yes, I believe I was. Who were you named after?"
"Nessarose Thropp. But my nickname's Nessa." If dolls could cry, I could have sworn that Nessa's painted eyes were brimming with tears of joy.
"Mine's Elphie. Just like the books."
Without any warning to the new doll, Nessa rushed towards Elphie and enveloped her in such a tight hug that I was actually beginning to worry if a doll's figure could shatter with that much pressure.
"Aw, now that's nice." Magneto grumbled.

Elphaba must have heard him, because she turned away from Nessa lightning-fast, turning to face the perpetually grumpy key-chain. "Um, hello?"
I sprang into action to save Elphie from any more of Magneto's commentary. "Um, oh! Hey, Elphie. Welcome to the family. We live together in She's house, some of us in her room, some of us downstairs. And this is Magneto. He's a key-chain."
"...Ah, okay." Elphaba replied, as if clearing up the fact that Magneto was a key-chain made all the sense in the world.
"I'm Elsa. And this is Loki. You've already met Nessa."
"Nice to meet all of you. I'm sure this is a lovely place."
Elphaba's observant blue eyes scanned the perimeter of the room as a slightly flustered Nessa rambled off all the great things in the humans' home.
"I could give you a tour of the house! Ooh! You haven't met the others, have you?"
Elphie's eyebrow raised again. "No, I've only just gotten here. The older humans just bought me from Hallmark. I'm supposed to be a Christmas present for the one you call She," Elphie adjusted her glittery dress and cape. "But, as you can see, I'm here a little earlier than I should be. I can stay outside for now, but when the humans get home, I have to go back in a gift bag until the morning of December 25th," she shrugged. "That's the way it has to happen, according to what two of the humans were saying the car."
"But you can't leave! I've only just met you!" Nessa protested.

"It's only for a few more days, Nessa." I reminded her, but felt a sudden pang of realization within me when Nessa's words seemed to echo my own on the day I found out that Steve had left us for the year. Steve. Even the name, simple as it was, hurt to say, much less think about. It was hard to believe I'd almost forgotten my Captain America. He had sacrificed himself in Benny's place to go up to the attic last Christmas. Now it was only a matter of waiting before the humans brought those boxes back down again and we would reunite with Steve. But instead of joy, I felt dread. What if he wasn't coming back? At least I was sure Elphie would. The humans wouldn't forget about her as easily as they had forgotten Steve. I bit my lip to keep from saying anything that would give way to a flurry of emotions.
"It's only for a few more days." I said again, though this time I wasn't sure if it was directed at her or myself.

***

I knew going downstairs to introduce Elphie to the others would clear my mind of Steve, and it did, only for a little bit at least. Most of the dolls would just welcome Elphie to her life in She's care, shake her hand, and say their names. Sven of course, being unable to speak, only let Elphaba pet the fur on his head as he showered her in happy kisses. Olaf was also very excited to see another Elsa in the house and went to hug her immediately. Elphie, however, was repelled by the overwhelming affection in the room and remained stiff throughout the entire meeting. Maybe she'd just need to get used to Olaf. I know I had to when I first met him, and now we get along great.

After Elphaba had met everyone, Nessa kept her promised by taking her on a tour of She's house. Meanwhile we promised to take Olaf upstairs and let him put the red star on the tree. But besides that, until the humans got home from wherever they were, there wasn't much else to do.
"You set up the smallest tree in She's room, did you not?" Napoleon asked me as we watched Nessa and Elphie skip away.

"We did," I reply, then catching his drift a second later. "Would you like to help us get down the other decorations?"
The leftover dolls jumped at this idea, and since Nessa and Elphaba were long gone, we didn't bother to pull them away from their fun to get some boxes out of She's closet, and maybe poke around in the ones the humans had laid out in the hallway in preparation for decorating the tree. We were only going to unload them anyways, not actually do anything with them. The girls wouldn't miss out on decorating one bit. And they could always join us later.
We followed the familiar trail upstairs and went to work right away. Most of the packages were just for the humans and we didn't bother with them. Halfway through the unpacking, Nessa and Elphaba came back up to join in on the fun. Sort of. They did join us, but I wouldn't exactly call it fun. It was mostly just work. Something that had to be done to achieve the desired result. And that desired result was Christmas. I wondered if it would still feel like Christmas without Steve here.
But it wasn't all that bad. We found some pretty cool stuff in those boxes. Cookie ornaments that smelled like fresh gingerbread, bulbs so shiny you could see your reflection in them, and a doll-sized stringed instrument.
"It's a smaller replica of a cello. She used to play cello a few years ago." said Loki, lifting the "cello" gently from its nest.
When all of us gave Loki a weird look for knowing that bit of information, he turned red and insisted that he'd only "read it somewhere once."
"Can you play it for us?" Elphaba wanted to know.
"Well, I guess I can try," Loki abandoned his helmet and staff-thing and began running his fingers across the strings. "But I doubt this thing has been tuned in ages," He blew a layer of dust off the neck of the instrument. "And I doubt that it actually has sound."
Pluck-pluck-pluck.
Nessa covered her mouth to hold a laugh. Loki, turning even redder with embarrassment, pulled at the strings even harder.

Pluck-pluck-pluck. Pluck. Each string was the same dead note, and no range. Eventually he just gave up trying.
"She made it sound so much easier." he grumbled to himself, leaving it behind.
"Ah, what a pity." Benny tsked, but he didn't look that disappointed. I think he already knew what the faux cello was capable of after having it hang from his tree for so many Christmases past. We returned to our stations, shrugging.
"Oh, I remember this!" I said happily, a while after the cello incident, pulling the garland I made out of a shallow box. It was a bunch of strips of paper, stapled together in links like a chain. The humans did this, I remembered, so I wanted to, during one lazy day in January when I was planning ahead for next year. I counted twenty-five links, alternating between the red and green construction papers. I draped the paper chain over Sven's antlers and he pranced around happily. I hadn't realized that so many things were stored in these boxes from last year. I think we were all just thankful Benny was helping us unpack them, not us unpacking Benny.
Napoleon seemed to be reading my mind and commented on it. "Isn't it magnificent that we only have to worry about tinsel and non sentient ornaments this year?"
I bit my lip. "Yeah... non sentient." It hadn't even occurred to me that Steve might have lost his life during all that time in the attic. There weren't any threats for him up there (that I knew of), but without a human or another doll around him, it might have been easy to give up trying to stay conscious each day. My invisible stomach began twisting with worry, but seeing Nessa and Idina admire the softness of the tree skirt, I remembered that it was their first Christmas here since their finding days. My first Christmas had been so exciting, and my 12 Days series had really kicked off a great start to my blog, so I could only imagine how joyful Nessa and Idina, and even Elphaba, felt. I tried channeling their emotion inside of myself, ignoring the prospect that I might be waiting for a dead soldier to come home. My unfocused mind continued to sort through boxes without a Steve to be found inside them, and I was so distracted in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice the swooshing sound of cardboard scooting across carpet until a new box was halfway into the room.
"Um, Elsa? I think we missed one. It was out in the hallway here," Loki, aided by the nutcracker brothers, pushed a festive red box labeled "Starbucks" into the room. "This one was hiding behind the tree box."

My eyes squinted at the sight of the box, and I approached it with caution. I remembered this one differently for some reason. It couldn't have been the tiny doll Christmas tree box, because even though the previous one was also red (we use a pink one now since a side of the red one ripped), it was not the right size to fir the tree. But maybe it could fit a 12'' action figure?
"What's inside?" Olaf piped up.
I found myself unable to answer, so Idina did instead. "We don't know, Olav. We're going to 'ave to find out."
All my concentration fell on the box like a spotlight. I knew what this box was, and it had fallen right into my hands for a reason.
A very, very, good reason!
Slowly, I ran a shaking hand across the top of the lid. If, and I say if, Steve was in there, I'd have to give him fair warning before taking the lid off his box. My heart thudded and stopped at the same time. Time for fate to take its course. With wide eyes and glowing hands, I took the lid and lifted it upwards, just when I was feeling a pressure push forward at the same time.

I was almost afraid to look, and I shut my eyes as soon as the lid was off. I didn't want to see if Steve was there. If he wasn't, I'd be heartbroken in knowing I would never see him again, at least not until Christmas 2016, and I couldn't wait that long again. And if he was, then what would that mean?
Would he still be the same Steve? The Steve that wanted to ask me out on a date?
I was almost afraid to look until a hand grabs mine. It doesn't alarm me, but I jump back anyways. It's a touch I know, knew, maybe. Once upon a December...
"Open your eyes, Elsa."
I can't resist my own name being said by the man I know I love. The flash open, and there he is. My soldier returned from home. My hero, lost, but not forgotten. My Steve Rogers. A hand flies to my mouth, helping keep the tears at bay, as he struggles to stand. His suit is dusty, and his face looks tired, but his eyes fill with warmth and light whenever he's fully upwards and next to me. The room falls silent, unless that is just me imagining a perfect moment. Once I'm sure the hero can get as close as possible to me, yet not close enough, he speaks his first words since returning but mere seconds ago.
"Next year, I'm replacing Benny," My heart dropped, and it had so far to fall now more than ever, but it slowly rose again when Steve's tired face grew a smile. "With rocks. No one is ever going back up there again."

I'm left unable to speak. Steve was staying. For real this time. Forever. No secret vanilla horchata, no shields left behind, no mourning cloaks pulled on in just the nick of time. No missed goodbyes, because we weren't saying goodbye ever again.

"Elsa," Steve whispers, just to me, though with the whole room quiet, everyone could probably hear it. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
He said it so dearly, so fluidly, with no stutters or coughs that I knew he'd been rehearsing this for a long time. He was certain about being with me for so long that he wasn't afraid to say that he wanted to anymore. And, I thought, neither was I.
"Oh, Steve," I breathed. "I would love to," I let a blush take over my face as I added, "As much as I love you."

And then... there it was. Like the magic you feel on a warm night in a perfect seat with a Disney parks fireworks show, Steve leans forward and embraces me in our first- and my first- kiss. It wasn't anywhere near perfect (like the fact that I had to kneel down to reach his lips), but it was ours, so it didn't really matter. Neither did the "aws" and "ews" from our friends, or the fact that he wasn't even out of the box yet. Nothing mattered but the moment, and in that moment I could swear Nessa's words from last year were right. Dolls had magnets inside of them. And right then, two magnets found their match. Click. We had found our whenever.
We pull away, but not completely. His arm still lingers on my shoulder, and I still feel like melting onto his. So many days during that lonely year I had cursed Steve's name, wishing that he had not gone. But now I think of what I would have missed if he had not left and come back. Things like being his girlfriend and receiving a first kiss that was not to be matched. I would have been content to say "And they all lived happily ever after" right there, but there was still so much to be done. Especially now with Steve back. Especially now that there was a they.
"Steve's back!" Olaf cries, launching himself towards the man in the box, propelling me backwards.
"Steve's back!" Nessa chirps, and pulls a slightly unwilling Elphie into the circle of dolls now gathering around Steve. His genuine smiles and divided chatter brighten a previously empty room. He is bombarded with so many questions all at once, but I hang back quietly, still somewhat speechless and just enjoying the joy and love rushing at me all at once.
"Was the attic different than the real house?"
"Did you miss us?"
"Do you want to see all the changes we've made?"

Everyone kept asking the same questions over and over, poor Steve having to work his brain overtime upon just getting back.
"Yes, yes, and yes! I promise to tell you all everything! But first... I might need help getting out of this box."

A thousand hands reach out to take his, but it's my hands that Steve looks over at. Smiling, I step forward and let him lean on me as he steps out.  When I first met Steve, I helped him out of a box. The second time I met Steve, I helped him out of a box. Life is kind of funny that way. His red boots hit the carpet and I can almost feel the weight leaking from his shoulders, and it shows when it looks up at me. Finally, when he was home. Everything was worth it.

***

Later, when the chaos had died down, it was just Steve and I. The two of us, with the world fading into an ignored background with the rest of reality. When She was fast asleep in bed, we sat and talked in the quietest of voices on She's window ledge, outlooking the blanket of pre-Christmas snow and twinkling lights draped over each tree.
"I'm sorry I kissed you so suddenly earlier. That must have been embarrassing." Steve began.
"No, it was actually quite enjoyable. A little more than enjoyable, actually." I admitted.
"I liked it, too," Steve takes a good long look at me, and I soak in the attention from his eyes that I've gone without for so long. "You were serious about that, right? About wanting to be my girlfriend?"
I blink rapidly. "Of course I was! Why would I say no to being with you, Steve?"
"It's just... you know. I left so suddenly, and before that I slipped you that vanilla extract thing..." his voice fades into awkward mumbles.
"The past is in the past," I remind him, scooting closer. "You did what you had to do. I'm just glad you're not doing it again."
"Yeah," Steve sighs contently."I'm glad to be back."

"I'm glad you're back, too, Steve." I place my arm around his shoulder and he rests his head in the crook of my neck, and from then on until early in the morning, we sat there together, communicating solely through unspoken words that are no longer uncomfortable silences, but the first steps to a budding romance I was ready to take on.
But this was far from the end. By now I was certain of that. Sure, there was still a lot to be done before Christmas, but with Steve here, I felt certain we could accomplish anything now. Even later when I found out he lost the rose I'd given him in the attic. Even later when I returned Liberty. Even when She had entered her room and stared at the tiny doll Christmas tree (now on her dresser) like the thing was possessed. And sure, I was still a little jealous when an Anna got an Elsa and I didn't get mine, but Elphaba, based on first impressions, will be a pleasure to have around and Nessa's happiness gives me hope that one day I will find my sister. But, until then, now that Steve was back, maybe I could wait for my sister a little while longer...

***

P.S. The reason Elphaba did not show up in our "setting up the Christmas tree" post in the actual year of 2015, aka "Lokihow" was because we set up the tree days in advance before Christmas, despite the introduction being written and the post actually getting published on December 26th. However, I will be posting our tree decorating post probably before Christmas if all goes well. As of now, I'm working on about... um... eight or so different posts for this blog. Four are just about mostly done, thanks to Steve's return last year. But now that this one is out, I can get to working on a very special December post and Christmas post for this year in 2016, as well as a few others I've been meaning to publish for a while. Muses of Blogger, if you hear me, I'll need all the help I can get! And finally, from all of us at a Doll's Life for Me (including Steve and Elphaba), Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Opening the gates,

Queen Elsa